Only Light I Ever Saw
by PrincessHeartStar
Summary: He's the only one that could get her to eat. She's the only one he really opens up to. They break down each other's walls, always have. Sure they are both so damn stubborn but their chemistry is undeniable. This thing isn't over, far from it. Lemma. Rated T for heavy mentions of Eating Disorders
1. Chapter 1

Only Light I Ever Saw

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Red Band Society (I can wish right?) anyway this is a new fic for my newest OTP Lemma! They are just adorable! Enjoy.**

Summary: He's the only one that could get her to eat. She's the only one he really opens up to. They break down each other's walls, always have. Sure they are both so damn stubborn but their chemistry is undeniable. This thing isn't over, far from it. Lemma.

She stared at the wall.

The hands moving slowly with each passing minute as if the day couldn't go by any faster.

Emma frowned as the door to her room swung open. Half-expecting it to be Kara, or half-expecting it to be Jordi, she's disappointed to find the nurse coming by to bring Emma her lunch.

Wrinkling her face in disgust, she focuses on finishing up the latest chapter of Henry V, pretending not to notice the nurse giving her the once-over glance and sighing before leaving. She probably figured Emma would have to eat eventually right? Wrong.

Not even ten minutes later the door opened again, she must be psychic Emma thinks with a laugh, expecting to be faced with Kara. Instead she almost doubled over in shock at the sight of Leo making his way awkwardly into the room. He's never been into her room before, in the last few weeks, not including the times when they were dating.

"What do you want?" She asked with a bored sigh, not even glancing up. "I'm kind of busy at the moment, don't you have some wheeling to do up and down the hallways? Win any big races yet?" It's obviously a tease since Leo had on his fake leg and didn't bother bringing the wheel chair to this floor.

"You gonna eat your lunch?" He shot back. This little banter of theirs was nothing new, but there was an underlining hint of concern masked by the tone in his voice and the smirk playing on his lips. He shouldn't care. It's not his job to care, at least not anymore.

He sounded so much like Kara, and the questions the blonde feeds her everytime she comes and visits for lunch, that it almost makes her dizzy to think about. That controlling and demanding tone that's secretly curious but so casual that it doesn't seem like they actually care about some girl and her petty eating issues.

His eyes were burning holes in her head right about now.

"Where's Kara when you need her." She muttered under her breath, choosing to examine the contents on her plate before giving him a proper response. Some hideous colored soup, a carton of milk, a pudding cup and a turkey sandwich cut in half, so neat and orderly it made Emma want to scream.

"I'm trying to go vegetarian." The excuse comes so easily off her lips it's a wonder how anyone can see through her facade and lies. Anyone except him.

And he's the type of person to tell her too. "Bullshit."

"I'm sorry?" With an eye roll she pushes upward so she is in a sitting position so they are at eye-level.

"I said that excuse is downright bullshit." He repeats with a shrug, as if it needed no more explaination, which in this case it didn't. "Remember our first date?"

Emma tensed up at this. Why was he asking such a question? Of course she remembered...How could she forget? "Leo don't-"

"We went to some diner, before I was aware of your disorder, still feeling guilty about that." He cut her off before she could protest even more, looking down at her shoes before glancing up at her again. "I'm not sure why they let us out of those hospital doors that day, but for some reason, for that short amount of time, it was just the two of us."

Emma sighed at the memory, if he was going to keep talking about this, she would walk out of her own room. "Your point?"

"I got a burger, you got a water and some salad. And when I offered you a bite, you didn't refuse. Sure it was the smallest of bites, but point blank: you ate it. Maybe it was to please me or maybe it was to try and get me to think you were eating. I don't know. So for the love of god don't give me that 'I'm a newly vegetarian' bullshit."

He sighed before taking half of her sandwich and breaking off a piece, popping it into his mouth as he offered the other half of a half to Emma while sitting down next to her on her bed, his crutches set to the side.

Hesitating, Emma grabbed it, held it in her hands, and stared at it for a good two minutes. The weird thing was Leo didn't push her. He wasn't demanding that she eat it right away, which she appreciated. Tentatively, she took a small bite. One so small, an outsider would barley be able to tell she had made a dent.

"Oh look she's eating." The snarky tone was hard to miss as Kara's voice entered the conversation. She walked into the room, a hand on her hip and a smirk on her face. "Seems a daily dose of Leo works better than therapy."

Emma shot Kara a glare while tossing the rest of the uneaten sandwich on the tray, while Leo just glanced up at Kara while shaking her head. When would that girl ever stop bringing out other people's insecurities?

"Em." Leo let out a breath as he noticed Emma clenching both of her tiny, boney hands into fists. Usually she didn't let Kara affect her, and it wasn't even the food comment. It was the Leo comment to be specific.

In one quick moment Leo had suddenly moved his hand and clasping it around Emma's shaking fist.

And for some reason she relaxed.

She felt calm.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Red Band Society, if I did Leo and Emma would be back together by now, this is just a fanfic.**

**AN: I am writing this from mobile so bare with me if there are any mistakes. And I just want to thank all of you for the reviews! I didn't expect to get so many on one chapter. Each one melted my heart. :) It meant so much as long as you keep giving me feedback I'll keep writing for as long as possible.**

When Emma enters class the next morning she feels invincible, and not just because she managed to lie her way through breakfast yet again. She's pleasantly surprised when Jordi sits down next to her, but in the back of her mind she knows Leo is only a desk or two away.

"You looks good today Emma." Jordi freezes up after realizing what he just said and coughed slightly. "I mean, you know healthier, stronger."

"I finished half my breakfast today." She stated proudly. It was beyond easy to lie to Jordi. He didn't see right through her, he didn't know her tricks to get out of eating. Part of her felt guilty of another part of her liked the attention he was giving her, he wouldn't judge her like Leo or Kara.

"That's great Emma." Not another sentence is spoken, only a short nod and half-a-smile from Emma, as the lesson begins for the day.

It's over some short story they were meant to be reading that week, half the class was zoned out or trying to divert their attention elsewhere. Emma would once again be one of the only people bothering to keep up with what the teacher was saying. Better safe than in trouble.

As class was over and everyone was packing up to leave, Jordi turned towards Emma once more. "Hey, do you possibly want to hang out tonight?"

He says it so casual, Emma isn't sure if she heard right. But there was also a nervous hint to his voice, he was serious after all.

"Um, sure." She really had no reason to say no. What were her exciting plans for the day not involving therapy? It didn't get much more exciting than that. She smiled slightly to herself as she pretended not to notice Leo's eyes on her as he wheeled past them. That was also a benefit. It served him right, he was the one who dumped her.

* * *

><p>Therapy isn't much help. Emma sits quietly in the chair, the prison seat. She's surprised there isn't mental arm cuffs to keep her from running out of the room. <em>That would be something.<em>

Doctor Samuel glanced down at the pile of papers on the desk, waiting for Emma to clearly speak first. The first week of therapy was filled with cliche "how are you feeling today" and "do you need to talk about anything? I'm here for you, it's my job." Now her therapist has learned that Emma won't directly speak unless she feels she has to. And most of the time, she doesn't have to.

They get a few short spoken conversations in, progress is being made in the slightest form. Once the timer beeps, her urge to fly off the chair and out the door is stronger than ever.

"That's all for today. Your hour is up."

Emma quickly thanked her before she began her walk out, shutting the door behind her as she went.

* * *

><p>Stripping down from head to toe, the brunette steps into her shower, the warm water running down the walls like a waterfall of some sort. She figured if she was going to hang out with Jordi, she at least needed to look her best for their date. Was it even a date? Her mind raked for answered to the desperate question. Her mind said yes, yet her mind was filled with so many thoughts and voices she didn't know what to trust up there. But her heart told her of course it wasn't a date. She wasn't even remotely interested in Jordi that way. She went with the best option and told her heart to shut up, falling into the traps of her own mind once more.<p>

All she wanted to do was turn the water up to the hottest temperature, go deeply under the shower head and wait until the hot beats of liquid burned her skin off, peeling it into a big pile of ash and fat. Because really her skin was to blame as well, it was flabby and all over her body, wrapped around like a choking blanket.

But she doesn't do that. She doesn't do any of that. She simple washed her hair and body, scrubbing roughly at her hair that was already beginning to fall out somewhat, hoping to rid herself of the fat, the thoughts that clouded her mind, the feel of Leo's hand on her own. She wanted all of that down the drain, never to see the light of day.

* * *

><p>Putting on a white cardigan over her black long sleeve shirt, she tied up her sneakers and adjusted the belt on her jeans as she made her way out of her room, making her way down to Jordi's room.<p>

Bumping into Leo in the hallway was almost inevitable. She initially wanted to hit something but then she remembers that they are roommates and of course he would be around on the floor he was assigned to.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Their exchanges are watered-down versions of what they really mean to say to each other. But it's already awkward, a simply greeting will do for now.

"You look nice." Leo is the first one to speak as he glanced up at her from his wheelchair.

"Thanks." Her response is quick and mumbled under her breath.

"What are you doing over here? Here to see Jordi?"

"Actually yes." She blurts out, too late to take it back.

"Oh. I see."

"So are you guys like hanging out now?" He says it in a way that they both recognize as if he was saying 'Are you suddenly dating him'.

"I guess." At that moment she hates him. She hates that he asks such questions. She hates that she has to see the look on his face underneath the nonchalant nod and glance to the floor. The crushing expression only she caused. She hates it all and she most importantly she hates that she still cares what his reaction is over her and Jordi.

She can't stand to stand there another second so instead she turns on her heels. "Just tell him to meet me on the roof." She called before speeding down the hall and nearing the corner towards the elevator where finally she would be alone. As she pushed the door to the roof open she let out a sigh she was holding in.

She hates that she doesn't hate Leo Roth_, not even close._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Red Band Society or Leo and Emma, only in my distant dreams. If I did they would be back together by now and having cute little moments every episode. Also Dr. McAndrew would be shirtless at least once every few episodes, because really who wouldn't want that? I only really own the plot, if even that. Don't forget to R & R please!**

AN: I won't spoiler anything for people who haven't seen episode 3 "Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire" but it literally crushed me. But on the plus side it gave me inspiration for this next chapter. I'm not sure why but I randomly get ideas for chapters at night when I'm in bed. Also once again thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm so glad you all enjoy this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it so far. Lemma ftw right!

The wind was gusting around her as Emma waited for Jordi to appear. She swore, the weather in California was so bi-polar it annoyed her to the end of the earth. Or maybe she was always cold because of lack of food, leading to lack of energy and lack of body heat.

Hearing the mental door open and close, she took a breath as she felt footsteps behind her. Her expression turned into one of relief, happiness you could say, when she felt Jordi stand next to her, glancing out into the mid-afternoon sky and surroundings.

"So this is where you wanted to meet?" Jordi broke the silence, giving her a goody grin in the process. One that she couldn't resist laughing at in response.

"It's kind of our special place. The redbanders, so I thought why not?" She replied shrugging her shoulders as she wrapped her cardigan around her tighter.

"Are you cold?" Jordi took notice of the little things, or the rather obvious things, Emma couldn't decided on that front.

"A little bit." There was a moment of quiet passed by before she heard and saw Jordi begin to take off his jacket and delicately place it around her shoulders, as if she was expensive China wear on top of some marble table.

"Better?" He asked, once more stating the obvious, but this time for personal satisfaction.

"Much." Emma replied with the smack of her lips.

A content silence came over them, it was more calming than awkward and Emma felt at peace with Jordi by her side.

"Hey Emma," He started, turning to face her even so slightly. "Can I do something really quick?"

"Um, sure I guess." She inwardly cursed at herself for sounding so unsure. She liked Jordi, she really liked him. Why was she being so-

And before she knew it Jordi's lips were on hers. He was kissing her. It took a minute for her brain to register this information. He was kissing her. And she had yet to make one movement. Her mind played ping-pong for a good 30 seconds before she found herself kissing him back.

His lips weren't dry and he wasn't trying to get to first base or anything like that. It was a simple, nice first kiss between them. But it wasn't the same as kissing Leo, it didn't make her nervous and make her heart race and have fireworks going off in her head.

And maybe it wasn't suppose to.

They pulled away after a few more seconds, Emma being the one to pull away first. They did need their air after all.

"Wanna head inside?" Jordi asked, taking note of Emma's shaking body even with the jacket securely around her.

With a nod they headed back to the top floor of the hospital. Walking side by side, Jordi resisted the urge to grab ahold of her hand but still wanted to get something off his mind.

"Do you think it'd be okay if we are dinner together?" Maybe it was because he found out his cancer had spread, maybe part of it was a new boldness recently discovered. But you can't not take risks and life is short. "I know we usually eat in our rooms, but I could always sneak over and keep you company." He suggested with twinkling eyes.

"Sure. That sounds great." Her mouth beat her brain to the question, just as she was about to decline. She would have to eat in front of him, but it didn't mean it had to stay in her body afterwards.

She could do this.

* * *

><p>When dinner approached, Jordi, as promised, came through the door with a carton of milk and a bowl of spaghetti, identical to the one on Emma's very own tray delivered a few minutes prior to her by Nurse Brittany.<p>

"Hey beautiful," He greeted causally. He wasn't sure what they were exactly, but friends didn't kiss at random, that much he knew and the fact only made a smile appear on his face.

"Hi." She said between sips of water. She didn't need to waste calories on liquid too, she was already forcing herself to eat in front of Jordi. She wouldn't allow herself to flood her body with a white-milky substance.

Dinner came and went, with most of her food chewed and swallowed. "I'm really proud of you Emma." Jordi's sweet tone came through her ears as he held onto her hand firmly and gave her pale cheek a light kiss.

Oh great he was proud of her. He was proud while she had never been more disgusted in herself.

"You should go before Nurse Jackson comes by here and sees you." It sounded like the best excuse at the moment, and it was true. There's no telling what Nurse Jackson would do or say to them both if she caught them.

"Right." Jordi paused before simply giving her another grin as he moved towards the door. He didn't want things to move too fast, if things were to progress at all.

As soon as the door shut, Emma sprinted to the bathroom. It's not like there was any security in the bathroom and there were no nurses in sight. She was in the clear. She turned on the faucet and pretended to wash her hands, the water running loudly. Getting down on her knees, she did something she promised herself she would never do again.

She stuck her first two fingers deep in the back of her throat, almost gagging. It took a couple tries, minutes of pure agony before any vomit decided to leave the comfort of her stomach. The good she had just eaten emptied into the porcelain bowl. It took one more try to get everything fully out of her system, plain acid burning her throat and fingers. And when it was finally gone, Emma collapsed in exhaustion on the cold tile floor, sitting there out of breath and with aching pains throughout her whole body.

Twenty minutes had passed before she picked herself up off the ground and went to her bed, pulling out a band-aid just in case and wrapping it around her two fingers fir safety, trying to rid herself of what had just happened. She had only thrown up her food by force one other time, and that was nearly a year ago. She looked at the clock and pondered if she would get in trouble for being out of her room at such a time. Then she realized she really didn't care.

Only one person could make her feel better at a time like this.

* * *

><p>"Leo."<p>

He glanced up after hearing his name being called in a whisper. He had just gotten done eating and was practicing walking on his prosthetic by himself.

"Jordi's not here right now." His tone was somewhat bitter and laced with annoyance as he stopped walking and got a good look at her. She looked sad, almost afraid, and so much tinnier than yesterday.

"I'm not here for Jordi."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because-" at this point her voice was cracking. "I-I don't know how it happened."

"What are you talking about Em? Are you okay?" That was all it took for his features to soften and his face to be concerned in an instant.

"I didn't mean to." It took him a minute to figure out what she was going in about.

"Emma-" He let out a sigh at her confession.

"I-I'm sorry." Her voice was muffled by the sobs enveloping her. Suddenly she was leaning towards him, bodies crashing together, as she buried her head in his shoulder. It's not like he could do much, nor did he really want to.

"It's okay." He shut his eyes for a moment as he lightly stroked her hair, hoping to calm her down somehow. This wasn't the **first** time it had happened.

_It was a little over a year ago. It was a time when Emma and Leo had just started dating, innocent and unknown to each other. It had only been a couple of weeks, but already they had grown super close._

_Leo had been passing by the clinic where's Emma's room was and heard a heartbreakingly wrecking sound coming from the brunette's bathroom._

_He busted into the bathroom just in time to see Emma on her knees with her toothbrush down her throat, teary-eyed and blotchy skinned._

_He only shook his head once, he could have prevented this if he had came earlier. He reached out his hand and with the only arm strength he mustered, he set her on his lap as he wheeled them towards Emma's bed._

_"My nurses made me eat. The feeling of food inside my literally made me sick to think about. I hated it." She glanced down towards her feet, unable to look at him._

_"It's okay." He didn't know how to respond other than that, only rubbed her back in a comforting manner as Emma climbed back into her bed._

_He was on his way out the door when he heard Emma call out to him. He looked back at her with questioning eyes, wheeling closer towards her in the process._

_"Can you stay with me? Just for a while." It was funny how all thoughts of leaving the room, leaving her, flew out the window._

_He nodded before wheeling around to the other side, Emma had yet to have a roommate so there was more space in her room than most. He had been used to getting in and out of his chair so it was easy for him to situate himself next to his girlfriend on her bed._

_Wrapping an arm around her and placing a soft kiss to her forehead, Leo settled down in content. Hands intertwined, they laid side by side, not talking in depth about her disorder or his cancer or the crummy living space they were isolated to. Instead they just embraced each other, basked in the comfort and the warmth, and held on tight._

When Leo was brought back to reality he was met with Nurse Jackson's eyes staring at him through the hallway. But her expression wasn't cold or stern. It was simply worried. Worried for the young girl clinging onto him. Her eyes were confused yet sad and she quickly moved onto the next wing, not wanting to disturb things and make Emma even more upset.

Leo shut his eyes once more, hoping not to see Kara or Jordi standing there, staring, next. Kara would just tease them and Jordi would probably, well there was no telling what Jordi could do in a fit of anger. No words were spoken, just actions of soothing and light whispers heard only in shadows, Leo wanted to stay like that all night.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Red Band Society or any characters mentioned. Don't forget to review please!**

AN: Sorry for the delay! I had most of the chapter written out but then it got deleted and I spent the majority of the weekend having to rewrite it from scratch. Things are different than what I wrote the first time. I don't know, I think I prefer what I wrote this time around to the first time I tried to write this. So enjoy!

It wasn't until lunch two days later when Emma saw Jordi again. It was understandable considering he was busy going through Chemo treatments and whatnot.

"Hey Emma." Jordi greeted as he sat across from her. Normally she ate lunch in her room, but the past week she had been eating in the cafeteria. Which was a nice surprise, so Jordi just walked up to her and sat down.

"Hi. What's up?" Emma asked as she glanced towards him. It took her mind off the uneaten food in front of her, taunting her.

"You mean besides chemo? It's brutal, but I guess it's the best thing."

"I'm just glad you're getting the help you deserve." She knew how brutal it could be. She was there through the whole thing when Leo went through it. She saw the worst things happen to someone she had really cared for. And she hoped things would at least be a bit easier on Jordi. But it wasn't likely.

"Um, Em-" He paused glancing between her and the tray of food in front of her. All that was missing was a few bites of an apple. Everything else was still intact. "is that all you are eating?"

"Oh this? Yeah." She glanced at the food before shooting him a nervous smile. That wasn't genuine at all. "I ate the majority of my breakfast today." Jordi wouldn't doubt her. He wasn't in the room with her this morning, he didn't know whether she actually ate or not.

"That's great Emma." He gave her a satisfied smile.

Her smile stayed fake, painted on her face like a really convincing mask.

After a few minutes of talking Jordi left, saying he had to get going on his next chemo treatment. Emma said it was fine and hoped everything went well. She would visit him sometime throughout the day.

Not even five minutes later Dash strolled up to her just as she was about to throw away her food.

"Going so fast?" Dash asked in a joking nature. "That seems to full for you to be done with it."

As much as he teased her he really did care. She was getting worse gradually. And he was worried for his friend. He and Leo had been through hell with Emma when she first arrived. Leo was her boyfriend at the time and Dash, being Leo's best friend was there for it all. Whenever Leo hung out with Emma, sit with her and comfort her, chances are Dash was right there besides him. She was making some real progress but it seemed that was slowly but surely going down the drain.

"Dash..." She trailed off, clearly getting uncomfortable with his persistent nature. What was this, 20 Questions?

"Sorry, but you know we worry about you Em." He put his hands up in defense. He was done for now with pestering her about her eating habits, but he wouldn't just drop this.

Without another word he skated out into the hallways like it was nobody's business. And Emma let out a sigh in relief that she was finally alone.

Tossing the contents of the tray into the garbage, Emma headed in the direction of elevator and went to the floor her room was on.

Walking into her room, Emma froze at the sight before her. Leo was sitting on her bed, reading something in his hands.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" She asked in anger.

He glanced up for a quick second as he continued skimming the tiny book. "Just reading." He shrugged, his gaze hard and his tone emotionless. "You have some pretty interesting stuff in here Emms." It soon became more and more clear what he was reading. Her food diary. He had gotten ahold of it. This was anything but funny.

Without a second thought Emma sped-walk and snatched the diary out of his hands. This was beyond anything he had gone. She was surprised he didn't put up more of a fight, she wasn't sure if that was a good sign or bad. He would give her shit for it either way.

He stood up and hobbled towards her, standing across from her now.

A round of silence surrounded them. It was becoming insufferable. "I-"

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Why do you care?"

The first shots were fired, guns blazing as silent looks turned into heated glares and eyes narrowed into each other's souls. It was a endless cycle of battles, one more vicious than the next. In the end neither of then came out victorious, it ended up hurting them both in more ways than they would ever admit.

"You know why I care." His eyes were burning like a flame into her brain. It made her hot and dizzy to think about.

His eyes softened and his voice became more concerned. "What's been going on with you."

"Nothing." She said firmly.

"Cause I've talked to both Dash and Jordi and they seem to think otherwise. Dash more so than Jordi, for obvious reasons." He explained letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in.

For once she had no words. Which was shocking considering how hard she wanted to scream at Leo right now.

She took a few deep breaths as she broke their gaze. He could see right through her, he knew what shook her, what her tricks were. She had to get away, had to distant herself from him before everything went up in flames.

She turned to leave but Leo's hand got ahold of her arm, making her face him momentarily.

He gently raised his hand and put it on the back of her neck, closing some of the distance between them.

Her face remained down but her hand gripped his arm, seeing that he wasn't going away anytime soon, nothing she could say to get him to leave. She was done fighting.

Instinctively their foreheads touched, breaths slowed down and they welcomed the silence that consumed them.

"Déjà vu right?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Red Band Society or any characters mentioned. I pretty much only own this plot, if even.**

_AN: So sorry for not updating in quite some time. I have half of the next chapter written and with my fall break in two days I'm really working to get it done and published to you all sooner than later._

_in other words does anyone have any ideas of what they would want to happen next? I'm always open to suggestions! or maybe other characters/pairings/storylines I can include to make the story have more drama and have more things going on._

_feel free to PM me!_

* * *

><p>The next morning Emma has a new game plan. She manages to avoid the hallway routes Leo takes and doesn't even glance at him during class. Maybe she's paranoid, but he's onto her. And she has to ignore him at all costs.<p>

So she starts hanging around Jordi more and more with each passing day, dates and stolen kisses are exchanged, and a fake smile is dented into her cheeks, her lips curve naturally into an facade of joy. And Leo's presence isn't distraction when she sees him on accidentally occasions, it's haunting like a ghost.

She doesn't mistake the glares he gives her and the confused expression he seemed to have adapted. Maybe it's her way if dishing out her own personal karma for him. To make him regret breaking up with her without a care in the world. But she hated him. Hated the stupid little smirk that was usually indented on his lips. Hated that he could read people almost too well, even someone as guarded as Kara. And she hated that he was the one who could make her smile despite all the crap she was going through.

He didn't deserve to have the satisfaction of making her smile. She wanted him to hate her, was going to make him hate her and feel how low she felt. He knew too much, he would take her down and destroy her with concerned glances and soothing words. Promises of "i don't understand but I'm willing to try." And the infamous "you can count on me."

It was all bullshit. Every last word and glance and comfort. He was a liar too. He had dumped her the first chance he got to get out.

Distance was key. Keeping herself away from him would do her some good. He was her number one weakness, even worse than food, and if she hated anything in the world, it was being portrayed as weak. Weak little Emma. Little geeky Emma who kept her nose in a book. Weak little unloved Emma who was calling for attention. Weak little sad Emma who forgot how to eat. Weak, weak, weak.

She would not have Leo burn her to the ground before she got the chance to do the same to him.

And for some twisted reason that makes her smile. Because if he hates her, why would he worry about her? Exactly, he wouldn't.

* * *

><p>When Jordi visits for lunch instead of Kara, who seemed to be spending more and more time with Dash lately, Emma doesn't question it. She's too busy already thinking of ways to get out of this situation.<p>

Jordi didn't know that Emma had dumped half of her food in the trash can, some down the toilet for good measure, and bits of it chewed up into napkins and left on the tray hidden under the white blankets of paper.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Emma asked, snapping her head up and motioning towards the door to her room. Beyond the white walls that are seemingly caving in. Beyond her own personal hell consisting of meal plans and weigh-ins and journal checks.

"It's the middle of fall. It doesn't seem that warm out right now. And we aren't allowed out of the hospital, not even on the roof unless it's some kind of group meeting that Nurse Jackson let's is have." Jordi explained, giving her a confused look.

"Then we can roam the halls? You know before Nurse Jackson notices and handcuffs each of us to our beds." She suggested with a small giggle. He doesn't miss the way she grabs the small, green apple off her tray and holds it in her hands. He thinks maybe, just maybe, she'll eat it. And then progress will be made. Then again it's not like he's 100% clued in to what goes on with her. Not even in the slightest sense.

"Um, sure. Alright." Jordi shrugged before getting up and holding the door open for Emma who followed in suit and walked out before the door shut behind them.

* * *

><p>Emma wasn't normally one to break the rules, to insist on leaving the comfort of her own room. But then again she wanted to get out of eating and this was the perfect way to ensure that the goal was met.<p>

They end up wandering down to different wards, up to floors close to the roof and then end up visiting Ruben.

Emma pauses mid-entrance into the room when she realized they weren't the only ones planning to occupy the room. Sitting down next to Rubren, mindlessly chatting while they ate, were Leo and Dash. Looking as smug as ever upon noticing the two in the doorway.

"Well, what do we have here?" Leo called out, his expression was taunting. Which was well justified. She had been cold to him all week without a single hint of a decent explanation. Still, it didn't feel good. But Emma knew she deserved it.

"We'll come back-" Emma started as she turned to leave but was momentarily stopped as Jordi reached out for her arm.

"No, I'm sure they don't mind. Right guys? We're all friends here." With that, Jordi walked fully into the room and sat down next to the guys.

Emma clenched the apple in her hand.

"You planning to eat that prop Thumbelina?" Dash asked with a smirk as Emma sat down reluctantly. She didn't remember her feet moving. She didn't remember giving her body permission to disobey her.

She laughs. A good and short fake laugh. "Funny." Would he ever stop poking around in other people's business. "How's Kara? Or do you prefer the term hook-up buddy?" She didn't even know what was going on between the two, how they magically got to be such good friends, so she assumed they had to be having sex or something of that sort.

Dash put his hands up in surrender as he let out a good-natured laugh. "Well played. But nothing is going on. At least not with Kara. I'm still trying to get hot Nurse Brittany to realize what she's missing out on."

Emma had to smile at that yet rolled her eyes. Dash is the only who can tease her yet make her laugh in the same day. He was just a funny guy all around.

When Ruben has to go put some things in his car, Dash volunteers to go with him and Jordi offers to tag along. Because carrying a few boxes is the least he could do for the guy who made him comfortable on the first night here, with the party for his leg and all.

But really what dude needs two people to help him carry a couple things to the parking lot? Emma questions in her head.

And suddenly it dawns on her that it's just her and Leo, who hadn't said a word after she had came in, who was still eating his lunch and avoiding eye contact with the brunette.

His eyes glance upward as he directs them to her hands, more precisely the apple in her hands. The uneaten apple that she tossed from side to side and spun around to make her dizzy to look at. The object used for play, not fuel. The prop.

"You gonna eat that?" Yet again Leo's annoyingly persistent voice rang through her ears like a siren.

"I'm not hungry." She stated as her expression remained cold, her glare icy and fixated on the wall behind him.

"You never are." He said flippantly.


End file.
